Been Here Before

Isn't it amazing no matter how loud the music you can always hear your mother's call

There it was faint but compelling

I need help it screamed

As before my first thoughts are do not panic

The text that makes your day 

The sounds and smells so familiar but unwelcome

Life goes on but here it stops for some

The juxtaposition of socio and educational classes

Police that shot and family that prays for same man

Long hours spent standing, intimate conversations with strangers

Blood, sweat and tears are here

Standing side by side with hope and fear

I've been here before, smiled at the guards, been ignored by doctors

Never know what torture standing for 10 hours could be

So, here I am again,  doing the short drive for the long walk

It Came From Outer Space

What has occupied my thoughts lately I ask myself and listen for an answer
Listen for a thought
Feel my heart beat fast, it may be human

Felt Death make a mark in my life
Strangers, caring and respectful

Few in numbers but much love 

All this talk of feelings when the question was about thoughts
You know they're not the same

Love, embarrassment, the past, guilt all jockeying for position in my heart and mind

Not Amazed Right Now

You want to know why I am so quiet?

Because I have seen it all before, the secrets, the insecurities, the not tellings, it's not fair.

I thought I left all that behind me, that ugly past, it's too heavy, I refuse the burdens of those that came before me.

I want/need to soar, can'f fly if I'm carrying all this shit!

I don't want this to be now don't you understand I scream!

I thought absence was supposed to make the heart grow fonder, not render it cold, hard, and bitter.

Why she said did you chose me, why didn't you just walk away she wails.

I told you I love hard and deep

I love you.

I need you now and every day.

I am strong because of your love!

Selfish silly woman, read the cards but didn't understand the true meaning.

How do I make you understand I would exchange years to come for moments now.

What do I offer and to whom to make it happen?

Show me the way, I am so confused.

I want to be amazed.

Really?

All I can think of are cliches. I have nothing am nothing and give nothing. Nothing.

Wisdom whispers but I can't hear her.  Voices in my head, the same fucking voices I heard years ago, fuck, should you be a little older, a little wiser by now!

I never imagined this, never ever.  

I can't stop imaging, time spins and I sit growing stiff, stale and sour.

Scared, I admit to make the move, what if it doesn't work, how will I survive,  you don't know those people but can anyone ever know anyone else? Another cliche you say ...